Bereavement shouldn’t be a second punishment

“One moment I am receiving the devastating news my mum has died unexpectedly; the next I am carrying on as normal with everyone around me as if it never happened”.

This is the reality for most who lose a loved one while in prison. Cruse Scotland Board Member Douglas Creighton is Facilitating Chaplain in HMP Edinburgh shares his perspective, as well as his aspirations for good bereavement support in prisons, this Prisoner’s Week.

This year’s the theme for Prisoners Week is ‘Crossroads. Where next?’. As a Chaplain, I stood at the metaphoric crossroad and wondered how we could make things better for those in our care when it came to bereavement care. 

Over the past 12 months, Cruse Scotland provided 20 Prison Chaplains with training and supervision support to augment the work they already were doing in prisons, a training opportunity I was only too pleased to take up.

The learning was excellent and not only introduced us to new ideas and ways of supporting but affirmed that what we were doing in our restrictive environment was, in fact, good practice.

For those who are in prison at the time a loved one dies, they will be grieving the loss of so many things we all take for granted – family support, shared remembering opportunities, involvement in funeral planning and attendance at services.

“I lost my son to suicide, and it has been so hard. The guys on the section are great, but I can’t seem to be honest and grieve properly. I want to be at the graveside, at the spot that should have been mine but he’s there instead. And I can’t even visit the cemetery.” Resident of HMP Edinburgh

This is why high quality, compassionate bereavement care is vital and must be resourced. HMP Edinburgh was one of 12 UK prisons to pilot a group course specifically adapted for use in a custodial setting.

The Bereavement Journey® programme provided through AtaLoss charity is a series of films and facilitated group discussions which gives gentle guided support to those who have been bereaved at any time.

For so many in our care, the lack of growing around grief and ability to have meaningful continuing bonds prolongs the process with it almost feeling like losing someone is a second punishment to their loss of liberty. And when they are liberated can become overwhelming.

Creating a mini-community in this group provided its own ‘crossroads’ experience for me in relation to how we deliver bereavement care: do we do what we have been doing which has been great, or do we look for ways to enhance what we do in partnership with others.

We are now working aspirationally to become a Bereavement Friendly Prison community and the first Prison in Scotland to meet the AtaLoss charity Bereavement Charter adapted for Prisons, and the Good Life, Good Death, Good Grief Scotland Bereavement Charter Mark. 

Partnerships have been instrumental in shaping bereavement care for our staff, residents and others within the community of HMP Edinburgh and I’m delighted Cruse Scotland is one of them.

“My family think I don’t care because I can’t do all the things they are doing while we wait for the funeral. But it’s not true. I wished I was out there with them helping.”