World Suicide Prevention Day

Grief affects us in different ways and each grief as unique as the relationship with the person who has died. There are common grief responses, however, and it may come as a surprise when you are grieving if your thoughts turn to suicide. People who have previously experienced suicidal ideation may have increased risk of suicidal thoughts following a death, but this can happen to anyone, whether you have thought about taking your own life before or not. Grief is a powerful, profoundly personal experience and it can feel like the world has lost all meaning. As you contemplate this new reality where the person who has died is no longer here, it is not uncommon to think about suicide. This is part of the process of trying to make sense of your loss and these thoughts can stem from a desperate desire to escape the life shattering pain of grief, or to be reunited with the person who has died.

Grief can bring feelings of profound sadness, guilt, anger, loneliness, numbness, denial and yearning. There may be times when carrying this emotional load can become so heavy that you begin to question whether it is possible to keep going. This is not unusual following a death and it is important to note that having thoughts of suicide does not mean that there is something wrong with your mental health, nor that you are actively planning to end your life. It means you are in deep pain, and you are grieving. Thinking about your own death can be a natural response to the death of someone else as you are confronted with the awful absolute certainty; that all lives come to an end, even your own-one day. The desire to die can be a way of expressing the desire for the pain to stop but is not necessarily a desire to stop living altogether in the moment.

There is no right way to grieve and everyone’s journey through grief will be different, even among people who have lost the same person. There is no timeline for grief. And, importantly, intrusive thoughts including those of suicide are sometimes part of that process. These can be difficult thoughts to share, especially with family or friends; the guilt and shame of contemplating suicide can be incredibly isolating. You might feel pressure to ‘stay strong’ and not share the brutal reality of your grief with others. That’s why Cruse Scotland are here. We provide a space for you to talk openly about your grief, including thoughts of suicide without fear of judgment. When you can express your darkest thoughts and feelings in a safe environment, it can relieve some of that internal pressure. Our team are here to listen, to support you to process any unresolved issues or complex emotions and work with you to find ways to live with your grief. We can sit alongside you as you question the unfathomable concept of a world without the person who has died, how you can navigate suicidal thoughts and ultimately, choose to keep living.

Pamela Muir, Volunteer Counsellor, Cruse Scotland.

If you need help with your grief, find support that's right for you. Or, if you want information about suicide prevention or what crisis support is available please visit https://www.suicideprevention.scot/