Viv, Nik and Pamela

Early Support Group clients

Grief is a natural process and many people learn to cope with the aid of family and friends. For  one in every five people however, a bereavement can be so completely overwhelming that they also require professional support to cope with their loss.  

Making that first step to reach out can be daunting, but the key message from three former Cruse Scotland clients who benefited from bereavement support in the early stages of grief, is; “Do it!” 

This group of ladies were once strangers, but little did Viv, Nik and Pamela know, that when they reached out to Cruse Scotland for help after each individually experiencing the loss of a parent, that they would find new friends and a support network within each other, through one of our bereavement support groups. 

 

The Early Support Bereavement groups are made possible by funding from Scotmid Funerals, and the group of friends recently met with us to share their experience, give thanks and to encourage others struggling with grief to reach out for support.  

Pamela is from Glasgow and joined the online based Early Support Group following the unexpected death of her mum, Millie, at the age of 63. 

“I was reluctant to reach out and felt really nervous, but you were made to feel so welcome and at ease. You quickly realised there was a shared connection with everyone else on the video call and there was no judgement, it was a safe space.” 

Viv, who is from Aberdeen, reached out to Cruse Scotland following the death of her father, Ken; 

“In the early stages of my grief I didn’t know if I was going forward or back. I felt so many emotions; I was shocked, confused, devastated.” 

Viv continued; “I have friends but you sometimes feel like you could be bothering them. After the funeral when things start to quieten down and people don’t reach out as often, speaking with this group -  people who know what you’re going through because they’re going through it too - makes a big difference.” 

When her dad, Jimmy, died, Nik from Dumfries realised she needed to speak with someone outside of her normal group of family and friends. “I was really close to my dad - a daddy’s girl - and was really struggling. What was great about joining the group was you realised, ‘It’s not just me – there’s others feeling the same.’” 

 

The Early Support group ran weekly for six weeks and was facilitated by professional counsellors with support from volunteers.  

Nik told us; “Despite the nerves I had before joining, after the first session I thought ‘I’m so glad I did that’ - it was refreshing.” 

Viv agreed; “The sessions were great. You were treated as an individual despite being part of a group. You knew what you were going to be working through in advance and often given ‘homework’. Something I found really powerful was each of us being asked to share something good that happened that week – finding and focusing on a positive in amongst all those other thoughts and feelings.” 

Pamela added; “One of the things I was struggling to cope with most was facing my wedding without having my mum – the person I spoke to every day. This group supported me so much that I didn’t want to miss a single session, so even joined one of the sessions live from my honeymoon in Mexico!” 

 

It was only after the sessions drew to an end did members of the support group who were keen to stay in touch, reach out to the facilitators to express their wish, and those who were happy to exchange numbers set up a Whatsapp group. 

Viv, Nik and Pamela kept in touch regularly and eventually planned to meet up in person for the first time, choosing Glasgow as the location. Now getting together for lunch in Edinburgh for their second meet up, they also visited one of Cruse Scotland’s hubs in Leith to share their experience of the support to encourage others who may be finding things really tough, to reach out too. 

Viv said; “The depth of our friendship now is such that it’s not just about the deaths now. When it comes to those difficult dates however we’re always there checking in and supporting each other that way.” 

Nik added; “Yeah, things like the first anniversaries, the first Christmas, Pamela facing her wedding without her mum, or when my twin daughters were graduating we found it tough without my dad, their Papa, being there, but Viv and Pamela remembered and just reached out.” 

Pamela said; It takes confidence to speak up and tell people ‘I’m struggling’ – but you realise it’s normal to feel the way I’m feeling. Recognising that it’s a strength to ask for help, not a failure.” 

Viv shared an encouraging message; “The experience with Cruse Scotland has been a blessing and makes you feel people care. That others give up their time to care and support you. Please give their support a try – it’s OK to dip your toe in and if you realise it’s not for you that is ok too. For many it will make a big difference - and look at us - we continue to support each other beyond the group sessions.” 

 

Cruse Scotland offers a wide range of bereavement support services, from 1-to-1 counselling sessions, a Helpline and web based chat function, specialist support for children and young people, and individual and Group support for those in the early stages of grief. 

We rely on funding awards to be able to provide early bereavement support to those struggling with their grief, and it is largely thanks to support of £25,500 over the past three years from Scotmid Funerals we were able to provide these Early Support Group sessions.  

James Blackburn, Head of Scotmid Funerals told us: "We understand that grief can be an incredibly isolating experience, which is why supporting Cruse Scotland’s Early Support Programme has been so important to us. We're proud to have contributed to a service that not only helps people navigate their loss but also fosters meaningful connections and friendships during such a difficult time. It’s truly heartening to see how this support has brought people together, offering comfort and companionship when it’s needed most."

We hope to continue providing this service in the future as we know there are many more people out there like Viv, Nik and Pamela who would benefit from our support in the first stages of grief. Indeed, just over the past 12 months, we’ve seen a 33% rise in demand for our Early Support Programme. 

If this sounds like a service that would benefit you, get in touch. Alternatively, if you’re interested in volunteering, have a look at our current opportunities. 

 

Viv, Nik and Pamela

John

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