Coping With Grief on Father’s Day

No matter how old we get, most of us carry a quiet need to feel looked after. To have someone to turn to when things feel uncertain. Someone who shows us how to move through the world — or how not to. In many ways, even as adults, we remain someone’s child.

That is why dealing with the death of a parent, or someone who felt like a parent to you, can be incredibly difficult, particularly in the lead-up to the days that shine a spotlight on the relationship you are grieving for.

Father’s Day is one of those times. The adverts, the shop displays, the social media posts — they can feel intrusive and uninvited – far from gentle reminders of who is no longer there.

It is entirely normal to feel sadness, anger, or even a pang of jealousy as Father’s Day approaches and arrives. There can be many conflicting emotions. While these feelings are completely normal, they can also be uncomfortable and painful to experience.

If you are dreading the day, you are not alone. Here are some steps you can take to help you cope with grief during this time.

Give yourself time to prepare

It can help to think ahead about how you’d like to spend the day, rather than letting it arrive unexpectedly. If you have family around you, it may feel easier to let them know how you’re feeling — so they can be gentle with you, and you with yourself.

Be kind to yourself on the day

There is no right or wrong way to grieve. You don’t owe anyone a brave face. Spend the day doing whatever brings you a little comfort — a long walk, your favourite films, a quiet morning in.

Build layers of memories

Grief has a way of pulling us toward regret and “what ifs.” However, those thoughts rarely reflect the fullness of the relationship you had. Acknowledge those regrets and unanswered questions – and, where you can, gently remind yourself of the times that you enjoyed and celebrated together. 

A photo on the windowsill, a video that lets you hear his voice, or a memory box filled with moments shared by people who loved him too — these can bring quiet comfort on a difficult day, helping to balance the memories that surface.

Try putting your feelings into words

Writing a letter — even one that will never be sent — can be a surprisingly powerful way to process grief. It gives shape to feelings that might otherwise feel too big or too tangled to hold.

It is okay to step away from it all

If you are simply not ready to acknowledge the day, that is completely okay. Taking a break from social media and doing something that brings you peace — without any expectation of “getting through it” in a particular way — is a perfectly valid choice.

Reach out if you need to talk

Sometimes it can be helpful to talk to someone who is not a family member or a friend.

You can call the Cruse Scotland freephone Helpline on 0808 802 6161, where our specially trained volunteers listen, provide information and reassurance, and guide clients towards further support from Cruse Scotland and other organisations.