How can we build hope for grieving children and young people?

It’s Children’s Grief Awareness week and this year’s theme is building hope.

So, how do we build hope for a child or young person who has been affected by grief?

This might be by creating a hope-box, or- list, or -book, or -folder or -jar. Somewhere they have a few activities, either available or written down, that brings them hope. This could be an activity they did with the person who has died, or it might be something they enjoy for themselves: painting, colouring, gaming, doing their nails, listening to music, playing with friends, doing a dance, watching a film, reading a book. As suggested, these activities may have connections to the person who has died and that can be important, but equally they may be totally new things that signify a new start.

So, help the child or young person identify what they would put in their Hope box, jar, book, folder.

As the adults in that child or young person’s life, we will not know what they are thinking or feeling until we take the time to find out. This can feel such a difficult thing to do, particularly when you are dealing with your own grief, so here are a few tips on what to do:

·       Allowing the child or young person to talk about the person who has died: this seems so simple doesn’t it, but it can feel painful if this is not part of your grief response.

·       Give the child or young person time to speak: children have a habit of wanting to talk about things at times where you don’t have time and this can feel frustrating, but it really is important to try and make time. They’ve brought it up because that’s what’s upper most in their mind right at that moment. If it is absolutely impossible to talk at that time, suggest a time that might work better, but you may have missed the opportunity.

·       Don’t dismiss what is spoken about: it might not seem relevant to you, but it’s important and relevant to them. Try and see it through their eyes.

·       Therefore, you have to listen and don’t think you know best.

·     Be patient: children can resort to behaviours they displayed when they were younger, or they may become less regulated and more emotional. When your emotional reserves may be low, this can be really frustrating too, but it is just their way of working through their grief.

·       Also, don’t make assumptions about what they think or why they are doing something, ask them what’s going on.

Cruse Scotland is great at helping children and young people talk about their feelings and we can support them when they feel overwhelmed, or simply need a space to process what’s happened. 

If you are a parent or carer and you're worried about how a child or young person is coping with a bereavement, phone our free helpline today on 0808 802 6161 (Opening hours are Monday to Friday, 9am-8pm and 10am-2pm on Saturday and Sunday) Alternatively, you can access our GriefChat service on weekdays from 9am-9pm.