In the Silence: Men and Grief

June shines a necessary spotlight on Men’s Mental Health Week. This can be a time to challenge stigma, encourage conversation, and for men to remember … and be reminded … that their emotional wellbeing matters.

But for many, this time of year, which also holds Father’s Day, can bring something more personal and often more difficult: grief.

Whether it’s the loss of a father, a child, a partner, or someone close, bereavement can profoundly impact mental health. And for men, it’s a weight that is too often carried in silence.

The Hidden Side of Men’s Mental Health

Despite growing awareness, many men still struggle to talk openly about how they feel. Cultural expectations around masculinity - to be strong, resilient, and self-reliant - can make vulnerability feel uncomfortable or even unacceptable.

When grief enters the picture, this pressure can intensify.

Instead of expressing loss, many men:

·       Internalise their emotions

·       Focus on staying busy or distracted

·       Avoid conversations about what’s happened

·       Feel unsure how to articulate what they’re experiencing

This doesn’t mean they aren’t grieving deeply. It often means they’re grieving without the tools, language, or support to process it.

We see the impact of this very directly at Cruse Scotland. Men make up 25% of our clients, and we often see them coming to us much further down the line in their grief journey – often at a point where the pressure and intensity of grief has built to the point of feeling overwhelming, or close to breaking point.

How Bereavement Affects Mental Health

Grief is not just emotional — it affects every part of a person’s life. For men, bereavement can show up in ways that may not always be immediately recognised as grief, including:

·       Increased irritability or anger

·       Withdrawal from relationships

·       Changes in sleep or appetite

·       Difficulty concentrating or staying motivated

·       Anxiety or low mood

Because these signs don’t always match stereotypical ideas of sadness, they can go unnoticed – by others and by the individual themselves.

Men’s Mental Health Week is an important reminder that mental health struggles don’t always look the way we expect them to.

Why This Time of Year Can Be Particularly Difficult

While Men’s Mental Health Week aims to open conversation, occasions like Father’s Day can quietly deepen emotional strain for those who are grieving.

It can act as a trigger – not just for sadness, but for reflection on identity, relationships, and what’s been lost. For some men, it may bring up questions about their own role as a father, son, or partner, alongside unresolved emotions linked to grief.

This combination can leave men feeling:

·       Isolated in their experience

·       Out of sync with those around them

·       Unsure where or how to seek support

That’s why it’s so important that conversations about men’s mental health include grief as a central part of the picture.

Breaking the Silence Around Grief

Improving men’s mental health starts with changing how we talk - and how we listen.

We can begin by:

·     Normalising emotional expression: Grief, sadness, and vulnerability are human responses, not weaknesses.

·  Creating safe spaces: Environments where men feel able to speak openly, without judgement or pressure.

·     Recognising different forms of grief: Not everyone expresses loss through tears - and that’s okay.

·  Encouraging connection: Whether through friends, family, peer groups, or professional support.

Sometimes a simple, genuine question - “How are you today?” - can open the door. But asking it twice can make all the difference: “How are you really, today?”

That second question can signal that you truly want to know. It gives permission to move beyond automatic “I’m fine!” answers and into something more honest.

And it’s not just something to ask others. It’s something men can ask themselves:

“How am I today?”

“How am I really, today?”

A Message to Men

If you are living with grief, you are not alone – even if it feels that way.

·       You don’t have to carry it silently.

·       You don’t have to wait until things feel overwhelming to seek support.

·       And you don’t have to have the right words to begin.

Grief can be complex, unpredictable, and sometimes isolating. But speaking, even a little, can ease that weight.

At Cruse Scotland, we offer a safe space for you to honestly answer that question: “How are you really, today?” 

You can start the conversation by connecting with our Helpline team on 0808 802 6161 (Monday – Friday 9am - 5pm with extended hours Mondays & Thursdays to 8pm) 

Or through GriefChat, available vis our website: www.crusescotland.org.uk (Monday – Friday 9am-9pm)