It's OK to Be Sad When It Rains

How has grief shown up for you – physically, emotionally, in your daily life?

 

Grief has affected every part of me. Emotionally, it has brought sadness, anxiety, panic and a feeling of longing that can be difficult to explain.

 

Physically, the biggest surprise was the exhaustion. Nobody tells you how draining grief can be. It's not just being upset. It's feeling emotionally and mentally tired all the time, as if every thought takes more effort than it used to.

 

In daily life, grief has changed the way I see the world. I cherish time much more now and I value the people around me in a way I probably took for granted before. Some days grief is loud, and some days it's quiet, but it is always there in some form.

 

 

What inspired you to write It’s OK to Be Sad When It Rains?

 

The book came from years of experiencing loss, both personally and through people close to me.

 

I realised that when someone becomes ill or dies, so much focus quite rightly goes onto that person and their journey. But afterwards, the people left behind carry that grief for years, sometimes for the rest of their lives.

 

I wanted to create something that sat beside people in those moments. Not a self-help book that tells people what to do, but a companion that says, "I understand, and you're not alone."

 

 

What did you learn about the stages of grief whilst writing the book?

 

The biggest thing I learned is that grief is not linear. We often hear about the five stages of grief as though we move neatly from one to another, but real life doesn't work that way.

 

You can experience anger in the morning, bargaining in the afternoon and depression later that evening. Sometimes you revisit feelings years later. 

 

Writing the book reinforced to me that grief is deeply personal and there is no right or wrong way to experience it.

 

 

Where do you feel you are in your grief journey?

 

I think I am somewhere close to acceptance, but perhaps not in the traditional sense.

 

For me, acceptance isn't about being okay with loss.

 

It's about acknowledging that the people I've lost are no longer here and learning how to live alongside that reality. I still think about them every day. I still miss them. 

 

There isn't a day that goes by when grief doesn't cross my mind in some way. But life is also good, and I've learned it's possible to carry both grief and happiness at the same time.

 

 

In the book, you say what surprised you about grief most was the exhaustion. Can you tell us your experiences of this?

 

The exhaustion was overwhelming.

 

People prepare you for feelings of sadness, but they don't prepare you for the fatigue. The emotional drain can be relentless. 

 

Grief affects your concentration, your sleep, your motivation and even your physical health. There were days where I felt exhausted simply from carrying the thoughts and emotions around in my head.

 

I think it comes from constantly processing loss, whether you realise you're doing it or not. I think being creative also and always feeling the need to be active when your dealing with grief or life can catch up on you. 

 

 

 

You say that you are not the same person and that grief changed that. In what ways do you feel you are not the same person?

 

Before grief, I worried less. Anxiety wasn't really part of my life.

 

I've lost some of that innocence. I understand now how fragile life can be and how quickly everything can change. But grief has also changed me in positive ways. It has made me more compassionate, more understanding and more appreciative of human connection.

 

I don't think we ever become the person we were before significant loss. We become someone new and hopefully someone who carries the lessons of that experience forward.

 

 

In the book, you share stories from people sharing their experiences with grief. What resonated with you while listening to other people’s stories?

 

The thing that resonated most was how different everyone's grief looked, yet how familiar the emotions felt.

 

Whether it was Naomi writing about Amy Winehouse, Alexander talking about losing his mother, or the conversations I had with people throughout the process, there was a common thread of love underneath everything.

 

Grief may look different from person to person, but the longing, the memories, the questions and the attempts to find a way forward are things that connect us all.

 

 

What do you hope people reading the book take away from it?

 

More than anything else, I hope people feel less alone.

 

I hope someone picks up the book on a difficult day and sees something of themselves in the pages. I hope they realise there is nothing wrong with how they feel. I hope they find comfort, understanding and maybe a little hope.

 

I also hope it helps people who haven't experienced grief understand what someone else might be going through. Grief can be incredibly isolating, and understanding is one of the greatest gifts we can offer each other.

 

 

What advice would you give to others going through grief and bereavement?

 

Be patient with yourself.

 

There is no timeline for grief and no right way to do it. Allow yourself to feel what you feel. Talk to people when you need to. Seek support if things become too heavy. Most importantly, don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

I'd also encourage people to hold onto love in whatever form they can find it. Family, friends, pets, creativity, music and kindness. Sometimes those things become the anchors that carry us through our darkest days.

 

 

Why have you decided to donate some proceeds of sales to Cruse Scotland?

 

Because organisations like Cruse Scotland provide something incredibly important.

 

When people are grieving, they often feel isolated and misunderstood. Cruse Scotland offers support, understanding and a safe space for people to talk about what they're experiencing.

 

Throughout my own experiences, I have seen how vital grief support can be. Donating a portion of the proceeds felt like a meaningful way to give something back and hopefully help ensure that support remains available for others who need it.

 

At its heart, It's OK to Be Sad When It Rains is about helping people feel less alone. 

 

Supporting Cruse Scotland felt like a natural extension of that message.

 

To purchase the book, please click here.