Men, Mental Health and Grief

In Scotland, men are almost three times more likely to die by suicide than women. It’s a stark and sobering statistic, one that raises important questions about how men experience and respond to emotional distress.

Despite growing awareness around mental health, many men continue to struggle in silence. One possible reason for this is the societal expectations placed on men and how they should respond to difficult situations.

Terms such as “strong” and “tough” are often coded as masculine, implying that the solution to grief is to withstand it.

In contrast, traits such as “vulnerable” and “emotional” are more readily associated with women, giving them licence to express and process difficult feelings without fear of judgement.

In a patriarchal society such as ours, boys are often encouraged to demonstrate strength, independence, and control.

While these are not negative traits in themselves, in the context of grief they can become isolating and even detrimental. What we understand about our emotions is that building barriers against them can only work for so long, often impacting our mental health in the process.

Yet many men come to view their grief as something to fight; a war they must wage against their emotions, rather than an experience to be understood.

Stigma around men expressing emotions

In the UK, men are significantly less likely than women to access psychological therapies, despite experiencing similar rates of mental health difficulties.

It is therefore important to challenge the stigma around men expressing those emotions, particularly in the context of bereavement.

Therapy can play a key role in this. It offers a space where emotions can be explored in a safe, non-judgemental way; a space in which vulnerability can exist without pressure or expectation. While the process can be difficult, there is a different kind of strength in facing emotions directly and learning how to live with them.

Accessing therapy

In my years as a therapist, I have encountered many men accessing therapy for the first time. Often they arrive feeling uncertain, sometimes anxious or even sceptical about what the process might offer.

Yet many leave feeling surprised by the value of the experience. Some even come to look forward to our sessions, describing them as a relief from the pressures of their everyday lives.

A common theme I hear is that therapy becomes the one place where they feel able to be fully themselves, without the need to perform or hold things in.

What this suggests is that therapeutic support can offer something many men may not otherwise experience: a space free from expectation, where they can begin to understand their emotions and themselves more fully.

Whether through one-to-one counselling or group support, it is important that men have access to environments where they can talk openly without fear of judgement.

In doing so, they may begin to move beyond the pressures they experience and learn how to simply be themselves.