Calum

After the sudden loss of my eldest son, I found myself struggling to manage my grief. On the advice of my GP, I reached out to Cruse Scotland for help, hoping to find support as I navigated this difficult period.

In the initial aftermath, I was engulfed by shock, disbelief, and overwhelming bewilderment.

Physical symptoms such as brain fog, forgetfulness, and exhaustion became commonplace.

My mood swings were unpredictable, especially in the evenings, when a wave of grief would threaten to overwhelm me, leading me to desperately seek sleep as a refuge.

During the day, my emotions could shift, suddenly triggered by seeing someone who resembled my son, a returning memory, or a well-meaning conversation.

These experiences made me cautious about social interactions and hesitant to meet with many people. Over time, these feelings gradually lessened, and I began to reconnect with the world, though the experience undeniably changed me.

Long-term, I felt persistently low and chose to limit my social contacts to shield myself from sudden mood changes and to spare friends any potential embarrassment.

I did not return to work, which contributed to my sense of isolation. Even after a year, these feelings remained, emphasising the importance of finding ways to live with grief and to continue supporting loved ones.

Contacting Cruse Scotland

During the almost unmanageable early weeks of my bereavement, I contacted the Cruse Scotland Helpline several times.

Speaking to a trained counsellor over the phone, even without face-to-face contact, was unexpectedly comforting. The anonymity of a voice call gave me both the space and safety to express my feelings, helping me to navigate the toughest initial stages of grief.

A few months later, I began two separate series of weekly, in-person sessions with different counsellors.

These sessions allowed me to talk about my son, reflect on our relationship, and begin to make sense of the complex emotions that loss brings.

Having dedicated time and expert guidance to discuss my experiences was invaluable in helping me process my grief and better understand the feelings that emerged during this journey.

Being able to talk with a trained counsellor was key in helping me focus my thoughts and conversations towards understanding my grief and learning to live with loss, as much as is possible.

Be kind to yourself

Grief is exhausting. It is important to remember that it is not infectious—there is no need to avoid a grieving friend or relative out of embarrassment or uncertainty.

Those experiencing grief already feel very alone, and simply being present, even without saying much, can offer significant comfort.

Be kind to yourself and others. Grief can create feelings of anger and resentment towards the world, questioning why this has happened. It is important to consciously work against these feelings, as they do not help anyone.

I would recommend Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service to others and have done so several times already.