Monica

I lost my partner of nearly 20 years very suddenly in December 2023. Through this horrific event, all I was worried about was my two young children and what I was going to tell them.

I have a great family support network, but I kept all my emotions to myself to be strong for my children. I took time off work and returned full-time after six months. Then I started to struggle, and that is when I reached out to Cruse Scotland, along with my GP.

Every day is a struggle. Getting up in the morning, putting on a brave face, doing the day-to-day tasks and ensuring my children are well cared for.

All while working full-time and taking my children to their social clubs, etc. It is not only physically exhausting but emotionally draining, too.

I keep busy each day, so I do not have too much time to think. My body shows signs of my grief. Losing weight, putting on weight, not eating properly, not exercising.

I also have trouble sleeping. At times, I do not go out, and I rarely socialise. My mental health is poor at times, and I am on anti-depressants now and have regular chats with my GP regarding feeling very low, anxious, angry, sad and withdrawn.

How Cruse Scotland's Counselling helped me

From my initial phone call to face-to-face appointments, the service was amazing. It was made so easy and seamless.

The lady on the telephone was very empathetic, a great listener and enabled me to have time to pause for a moment when needed.

Face-to-face sessions were so supportive and a safe space. It enabled me to think about me, just me. Not mum, sister, colleague, just me!

Karolina enabled me to try different techniques to cope and guided me to external services for further support. These sessions also brought up things from my past that I had buried deep inside, but also caused trauma. I felt safe and non-judgmental to share this.

I now try to speak about my emotions more and not bottle things up. It is hard, but I am taking little steps each day.

It has enabled me to share some of my trauma, grief, anxiety, and feelings of worthlessness. Like, I am not giving my children the life they deserve. It has made it become real, and there was nothing I could do to stop this from happening. I should not be too hard on myself, and it is ok to feel all the emotions at once.

Advice for others going through grief

It is ok not to be strong all the time. It never goes away or gets easier. You just learn to get on with day-to-day life and especially if you have children - it is our new family life now.

You get angry about small things, wonder why it happened to the person you love and not someone else. You can get so low, want to bury your head in the sand or think of a way out of the pain and loss. But take one day at a time.

Do not worry about anyone else and what they think of you. Do what you need to do for you. Take all the time you need and reach out for help.

People are all there initially, but when everything goes back to ‘normal,’ do not suffer alone. I was always one for just getting on with it; talking will not help. How wrong I was!! Reach out to Cruse Scotland and other services like it.

Cruse Scotland is an amazing service and offers a range of different services. Online, telephone or face-to-face.

I have so much respect and gratitude for the staff within Cruse Scotland that I have had the pleasure of speaking to and meeting.

It is a service that is there no matter how soon or long ago you experienced the loss of a loved one.