Shirley

Shirley struggled with the death of her husband who died in September 2024. She shares how grief has shown up in her daily life and the support she received from Cruse Scotland.

My husband Scott was 58 years old and died 18 months after being diagnosed with cancer and six months after secondary cancer was discovered. He was my soulmate and my best friend. We did everything together.

What was your experience of Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service? How has it helped you?

I spoke with Gwen from Cruse Scotland on the phone weekly for six weeks. She was very caring and listened intently. She suggested coping mechanisms. It helped me to talk to her, but I am acutely aware that nothing can change my situation.

How has grief shown up for you—physically, emotionally, in your daily life?

Grief has been and still is very painful and intense. It is physical, mental, and emotional. The pain is severe at times and causes a complete shutdown at times.

I struggle to be in our home because he did not even get two years here. Some days I cannot function at all and must feel whatever is happening at that time. 

Has Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service helped you process your grief? If so, in what ways?

Cruse Scotland helped me to acknowledge my grief, and I realised it is completely normal to feel the way I do. Gwen let me speak about Scott openly and did not change the subject, which a lot of people do.

What would you want people to understand about grief that is not often talked about?

I would like people to understand that there is no timescale to grief, and you do not get over the loss of your life partner. 

People in your life disappear because they cannot understand or handle your grief. I would like people to know I do not need to be fixed, and speaking about Scott is important and will not upset me more. Not talking about him or avoiding me is what hurts.

What advice would you give to others going through a similar loss?

The advice I would give anyone going through this is to feel whatever you need to feel whenever you need to. To be kind to yourself and to realise that people you thought cared for you will disappear, and those you least expect will be there for you.