Siobhan

I contacted Cruse Scotland after suddenly losing my dad.

I was struggling to come to terms with why this had happened. My family all made it to the hospital in time to say goodbye, but after leaving my dad, I just felt empty and flung myself into helping sort out a funeral, which kept me busy.

It filled my days, but I could not shake the feeling of not having a dad, and I did not know how to navigate being a parent myself, having to tell my little girl who absolutely adored her papa that he was no longer here.

I was sad and angry. I felt myself withdrawing and did not understand how life continued when my world had stopped.

What was your experience of Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service? How has it helped you?

I had a lovely counsellor, Angela, who was so lovely and understanding. She really understood my feelings and made me realise all my feelings were valid.

Angela also made me understand how happiness and sadness can coincide, something I would have never believed could be the case.

Angela also made me realise that spending my day where my mum has my little one (it’s been a thing since she was a baby) wasn’t just for a day for me to watch videos and look at pictures of my dad, and spend my whole day crying and feeling sad.

She encouraged me to do something enjoyable, so my partner and I started going for breakfast or lunch. It really helped.

Angela encouraged me to tell others how I was feeling and that I was not a burden to others, and I am also not upsetting other people.

They wanted me to talk openly about my dad, and honestly, it has been the best thing.

I am not saying I do not get upset still, but it does not feel like a burden or as upsetting to bring him up to the family now because they enjoy chatting about him too.

How has grief shown up for you—physically, emotionally, in your daily life?

In the beginning, all I wanted was to be with my dad. I would go to the funeral home most days, chat to him, tell him how unfair it was that he had gone, and how I would cope.

I was short-tempered at home and less patient, which honestly felt so embarrassing, but it is not embarrassing, it is learning to have a life when one of your parents is no longer here.

I struggled to sleep for a long time. I struggled to eat meals because I felt like I was not myself anymore. Something was missing, like a part of my heart left with my dad. It absolutely did, but I am still me with just a little bit of sadness, and that is ok.

In what ways has the Counselling service helped you process your grief?

As mentioned before, I realised it is ok to be sad. To be hurting. I want my parent who is no longer here.

My biggest lesson was that sadness and happiness can coincide. It is ok for you to feel happiness whilst grieving.

A part of you will feel like it is missing, but you are still you, and the world still spins even in grief.

That is not others’ fault that your world is crumbling; if others know how you feel, they can also help or talk with you. People are happy to hear or speak about you, no matter how long it has been, days, weeks, months, or years, please talk about them.

What advice would you give to others going through a similar loss?

I just want people to know it is ok to feel happiness in grief. It is not bad, it is not forgetting your person. They would not want you not to feel happiness in things that are happening in your life, happiness and sadness can coincide.

Would you recommend Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service to others?

Absolutely, the volunteers from Cruse Scotland are all so lovely and understanding.

They have all been in the pits of grief that we have been in or are in. It is somebody you can be very honest and open to about your grief when you cannot speak to others yet.

They do not know you, your family, or friends. I still say Angela was an absolute Angel and without her I do not know how life would be for me.

She was a massive support to me and became a supporter of my good, bad, and ugly times. I am so glad I had her by my side in one of the toughest times of my life, please pick up the phone or send the email you would not regret contacting Cruse Scotland.