Lesley-Anne
After losing her mother, Lesley-Anne found herself overwhelmed by grief and struggling to cope with the loss of someone who had been such an important part of her life.
Looking for someone outside her personal circle to talk to, she contacted Cruse Scotland for specialist bereavement support and a safe space to process both her grief and the trauma surrounding her mother’s death.
Can you tell us a bit about why you contacted Cruse Scotland?
I contacted Cruse Scotland as my mother had died, and I was being suffocated and strangled by my grief.
I wanted someone that I was not connected to talk to. Also, there was someone who was trained in grief counselling, so I could discuss how I was feeling and if this was part of grief.
What was your experience of Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service? How has it helped you?
I had a very positive experience with Cruse Scotland; the Helpline member was very supportive and listened to me. They explained the process of getting counselling and said that, with the responses I had given, I would most probably be suitable to receive six counselling sessions.
Once my sessions commenced, I did look forward to speaking with my counsellor weekly. I had come across an old diary from when I was a teenager before my first session, and I discussed this.
There was a definite shift in my mood towards the death of my mother. Instead of feeling deep sadness and loneliness, once I had talked through some of the memories from my diary, my mood shifted to happy memories, which made me smile when I thought of my mother rather than the deep loss of my mother and best friend.
Although some of the memories from my diary were not necessarily happy memories, my counsellor asked questions which made me look at this differently. This helped with how I was feeling.
My counsellor was very thorough and listened very intently to what I was saying; they picked up things I would never have thought of and helped me positively process this death.
How has grief shown up for you—physically, emotionally, in your daily life?
My life was turned upside down when my mother died. I was her carer and spoke or visited her daily. I felt I had lost part of myself, and I had no idea how to find ME again.
Without her, who was I? I really struggled, and I threw myself into my running, trying to escape how I was feeling.
What would you want people to understand about grief that is not often talked about?
There is no right or wrong way to grieve; it is unique to your relationship with the deceased and never put a time limit on your grieving.
Speak about the person who has died, remember them how YOU want to and not how other people want you to. It is YOUR grief, not anyone else’s and do not shy away from speaking up to those around you.
Join grief cafes or go to sessions about grief. Keep the person’s memory alive by doing things that remind you of them. I garden and feed the birds, two things my mother loved. Kindness to yourself and others is key when you experience a death.
Just because you smile does not mean you are not grieving. You will have bad days and better days; again, be kind to yourself.
What advice would you give to others going through a similar loss?
Do not be afraid to cry, say their name, remember them fondly. Speak to them, do things that you share with the person, like going to their favourite restaurant, planting their favourite flowers.
Would you recommend Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service to others?
Absolutely, I am a mental health first aider at work and was aware of Cruse Scotland through this training. When I felt I had nowhere to turn, I reached out, and honestly, it has been the best thing I have done since my mother’s death.
There was a lot of trauma in the run-up to my mother's death, and this took away my right to grieve, as I had police and a neighbour to deal with who had had a breakdown.
I could process this and speak freely about this trauma I had experienced, which helped me move forward and feel that the deep sadness had turned into fond memories of my mother.
