Rebecca

When Rebecca's dad died from cancer in June 2024, her world changed forever.

Surrounded by the love of family and friends, she still found herself carrying thoughts and feelings she struggled to share with those closest to her. 

Seeking a safe, impartial space to make sense of her grief, she turned to Cruse Scotland's counselling service.

Rebecca said: "I contacted Cruse Scotland because I wanted to speak to someone who did not know anything about me or my situation. 

"In June 2024, I lost my dad to cancer. The death of my father irrevocably changed me as a person. In the days and weeks that followed, I felt numb and exhausted.

"While navigating the initial stages of grief, I was incredibly grateful and lucky to have a wonderful partner, family, and friends to support me.

"As time went on, I wanted to speak to Cruse Scotland to have an open and honest conversation with a counsellor about how to live with grief without constantly feeling anxious and overwhelmed.

"I really appreciated Cruse Scotland’s Counselling service as I felt as if I could freely speak about my inner thoughts and worries without feeling ashamed or judged. 

"It helped me understand myself and my grief on a deeper level and empowered me to remember and talk about my dad’s life, not just his illness and death."

Processing my grief

"Cruse Scotland helped me process my grief by allowing me to confront my own misconceptions about how I should properly grieve.

"I struggled to look at photographs of my dad, read old text messages, or listen to his voice, and for a long time, I felt a great deal of shame about this. I felt guilty when I enjoyed a nice meal or laughed at a funny joke. 

"I did not want to move on with my life as I felt like I was leaving him behind. I now realise that these feelings are entirely normal and are felt by many people who lose a loved one.

"You do not have to ‘move on’ after losing a loved one. I will never get over losing my dad, nor do I want to.

"It has only been two years, and I still think about him every single day. I will carry my dad with me for the rest of my life, and I know I will think about him on my own deathbed. Some days, I think about my dad and smile and laugh about happy memories.

"Other days, I feel numb, my chest feels heavy, and I cannot stop crying. This is living with grief, and this is the price you pay for loving someone so deeply."