Linzi

Linzi phoned Cruse Scotland's Helpline for support after struggling with her grief after her dad died under extremely difficult circumstances.

She shares how grief has shown up for her and how the Helpline helped her.

How has grief shown up for you—physically, emotionally, in your daily life?

I cried for weeks after my dad passed. I felt a lot of anger about the circumstances, which made it even harder to process.

I found it overwhelming and didn’t feel able to talk to my friends about how I was feeling. I only had one family member I could turn to, but they were struggling with their own grief in a different way, so I often felt quite alone. I also started overeating unhealthy foods.

What was your experience of Cruse Scotland’s Helpline service? How has it helped you?

The person I spoke to reacted with genuine shock at what had happened. That really helped, as it made me feel like my experience was being properly understood and acknowledged. It reassured me that what I had gone through was significant and not something to minimise.

As the conversation continued, the person began to speak more naturally and openly about everything. 

That did help, and I found it easier to talk as it felt more genuine. He also sent me lots of links to look at, which also helped.

Has Cruse Scotland’s Helpline service helped you process your grief? If so, in what ways?

Yes, it did help at the time. I needed someone to talk to who would listen and understand, without just using clichés. 

Having someone on the end of the phone or online when I was feeling desperate made a difference. My emotions were completely overwhelming, and I felt like I had no outlet for them. Being able to talk helped me release some of that and feel less alone in it. 

Speaking to a stranger really helped because they didn’t have any prior knowledge or assumptions about my situation.

That meant they could just listen without interrupting or bringing their own views into it. I didn’t feel judged the way I might have with people who knew me, which made it easier to be open and say exactly how I was feeling without filtering it.

What would you want people to understand about grief that is not often talked about?

Grief is not just one feeling in one moment, it is different for everyone, and no one is wrong in how they feel or how they deal with it. It comes in waves; it hits at strange times; it can be delayed; it can be mixed with guilt, anger, relief, and confusion. 

There is no right way to go through grief. Clichés do not help or comfort, they skip over the complication of the emotions I felt. I felt responsibility, relief, anger, confusion. But my sister felt nothing, just numb. 

What everyone needs is the space and time to feel what they feel without judgment or expectation. I also struggled with feeling like I was being dramatic, or that I should have been “over it” by that point. Looking back, I can see that wasn’t true. 

My grief was a natural response to what had happened, and it took time to process. Speaking to someone helped me realise that there isn’t a set timeline for grief, and how I was feeling was valid. 

Knowing someone is going to die, can make you feel like you should be prepared, you may think you are, but often you’re not in the way you expect — and that’s completely okay.

What advice would you give to others going through a similar loss?

Be patient with yourself, don’t compare your grief with anyone else, feel what you feel not what you think you should feel. It can be very complex, you may not only be grieving the person, but what could have been or what should have been, it can be very complicated. 

Some days you may feel a bit better, then the next day it can knock you right off your feet, speak to those who listen not try and fix it. Look after yourself if you cannot talk to friends or family, talk to specialists or call helplines and if you are still struggling, talk to your doctor. 

You do not need to be strong grief is difficult. Grief doesn’t have a set timeline. It takes as long as it takes, and there’s no need to feel guilty about that.

Would you recommend Cruse Scotland’s Helpline service to others?

Yes, I would recommend Cruse Scotland, and I have recommended it to others. I really valued that there were different options to access support, such as online chat and phone, depending on what felt manageable at the time. 

I was also given links to helpful websites and resources, which I found useful alongside the conversations.